no matter where you’re at…
I will say I do enjoy being busy better than being bored, but things seem to be nonstop right now with us. I daresay we are the busiest we’ve been since we’ve been married and sometimes I wonder if this will stop!
Lately my conversations with the G-Unit (Greg, for those of you unfamiliar with his nickname) have been like business conferences. We had a budget meeting Monday night regarding what to anticipate the next 2 months. Tuesday night we had a design meeting regarding our new house. Tonight we have a final house walk-through with our realtor before we anticipate our closing tomorrow afternoon (it got moved up a day)! Wow. Saturday is paint day. Next Saturday is move in day, and then it’s nearly Thanksgiving! The weeks are whizzing by, but I’m glad as it’s given me something else to concentrate on besides what seems obvious.
When can I be footloose and fancy free again? Yesterday I sort of felt like that, driving around during the middle of a sunny Veteran’s day (thank you, older bro) grabbing an iced coffee in my car.
So, to finalize this…whatever stage you’re at in life, enjoy it, because based on my experiences, pretty soon it’ll all change before you know it!
New Beginnings…
“Every new beginning comes from some beginning’s end” — Seneca
A baby is due April 29, 2009!
Thus the end of just me amp; Greg…now the beginning of a new family! Our lives will never be the same!
A new school year…do you smell that freshness?
I started this blog over the summer with the mindset that with all the time I had on my hands, I’d have several opportunities (and of course, epiphanies and shrieks of eureka) that would stimulate my writing. Alas, my summer has nearly passed, and I’ve started a new job at a public middle school as a 6th grade guidance counselor, and time is all the lesser.
But I realized to actually keep up a blog, you gotta/hafta/MUST post things. So, here’s to my summer of the past: a graduation, a few trips here and there, and some visits with family. And oh yes, a new nephew (“newphew”) being born. Quite monumental.
Now a new [school] year is upon us, and new school years bring to mind setting new, fresh impressions.
There’s something challenging, daunting, and exhilarating about embarking on something brand new. For the first time in a long time, I’m working in a role and at a school where no one really knew from me before. We have some common networking connections, but no one knew me from my schooling, my social life, or even from my neighborhood/area of town. Sometimes, walking into a new place with nothing of those sorts previously arranged can be a bit petrifying. As an adult you’re asking yourself, “Who will be my friend? Where I will sit at these faculty meetings? Will people like me?” Questions that are oh-so-similar to young ones starting a new school year.
However, I’m choosing to look at it as an opportunity to lay down the new, fresh, professional ME. Not that aspects of my personality have drastically changed, but I am committed to setting and fulfilling certain new goals. What are they, you may ask? Well…in no certain order, here’s what I’m committed to over the next little while, and let me know if these help you set up, maintain and/or rejuvenate your professional identity, no matter where you work or what you do:
- Punctuality. It’s been my thorn in the flesh since about 5th grade, which is perhaps ironic since I’m working with middle schoolers who are probably more punctual than I am. I don’t need anyone to know that I’ve historically ran about 5-10 minutes late (although by posting this blog I’m making it, in fact, a LOT easier for anyone to know that). I’ve made a concerted effort these last few weeks to try to leave a good few minutes before I really need to. Not only is my work across a good stretch of town, but I’m really supposed to be at work by a designated time, and to show up later is an insult to those with whom I work and to those who hired me.
- Courtesy. As a young buck, I tried to balance timidity with boldness…”I’m just gonna bust up in there and ask my question…I gotta know this answer!” all the while holding myself back with scrunched up apologetic shoulder stances and a face that says, “I know that you seriously do not appreciate that I’m taking up your time right now.” I don’t think that always went over so well. The mix of audacity with insecurity only makes others more confused by your approach. So, the courtesy comes in respecting others’ time, and making my questions short, sweet, and succinct. And appreciating those taking a little extra time just for me to explain something. Just like my writing.
- A sense of dignity. Oftentimes, by trying to ingratiate myself with new coworkers, I may succumb to their petty, insipid jokes by coaxing a laugh out of myself (quite difficult) or I may offer a tidbit about someone else that truly isn’t flattering, which shows to everyone around, “Hey, even if this sliver of juicy info is pretty mild, I’ll still participate in your backtalk and slander.” I’m young, I can still maintain my innocence, and I’m not going to let cynical, burnt out and negative peeps get me down.
- And finally, a sense of enthusiasm. Young people are often known for bringing in fresh juices with good ideas and creativity to their workplaces. I don’t have in my professional development improvement plan, “To take over the world, one guidance counseling meeting a time,” (but maybe I should), but I do have a lot of questions, curiosities, and new things I may want to try. And that’s where a little audacity and enthusiasm added together = bodaciousness. I don’t think you’ll find that equation in your textbooks, but I have a sneaking suspicion it may work.
Now my next goal…which maybe I’ll set on accomplishing next year, is brevity.
To my 2 loyal blog readers, sorry for the unanticipated hiatus. I hope as I experience more interesting situations, more mindful material will float your way. Until then, buy a trapper keeper and get that life organized!
The art of listening & not being selfish
Posing this title for my entry may put me up for some ridicule as I’m in no way an expert nor am I perfect (at either of those things), but being a student of life, there’s always room for improvement. Someone please smack me in the face if I ever announce, “I’ve arrived!
The art of listening is almost an ironic area of growth for me. From a young age I was quite the loquacious person, dubbed with the name “Megan Telecommunications Wiley” at my cousin’s wedding when I was 14. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with people, or should say, having them listen to me, but apparently I wasn’t always the best at listening back. I say it’s ironic, because I chose to go into counseling, a field where listening skills are some of the most important and which you must continually develop. Some very close to me have said over the years, “You don’t listen very well.” Ouch. That was a blow but it hit me where I needed it the most. No pain, no gain, they say.
However, I still find myself very frustrated when talking with certain people that ask you a question and then don’t seem to give a flip about your answer, looking around or obviously being distracted while you talk. One of the worst listening crimes is when you are asked a question about a topic or detail that you already discussed.
Now, I know listening well to someone else can be a tall order when the subject at hand is ridiculously boring or way too detailed to follow, or when you’re in a very busy or high traffic area, but let me share just a few of the tips for better listening habits I’ve gathered over the years:
• Making eye contact. Not 100% continuously (100% eye contact=uncomfortable for everyone), but more or less throughout the conversation.
• Nodding or say “mhm” or “a-hm” to indicate, “I’m following you.”
• Asking those open-ended questions. “What are open ended questions?” you ask? Well, those that do not just solicit a yes/no response. “Was your test hard?” is a no-no. Re-phrase it this way, “How did you find the test?” Or “So, how were you feeling after he said all of that?” instead of, “Did you get mad?” Just ask my younger bro for some ridiculous tongue-in-cheek examples.
• Even facial expressions can indicate that you are following or that you understand what the other person is saying. And if you don’t understand what the other person is saying, or what the message is behind the content, just ask! You’d rather them clarify than making an assumption that what they are saying is something they are happy/sad/angry/fulfilled/flying off the handles about.
The main one I struggle with is being visually over stimulated. In a high traffic area (people, cars, buildings, media, etc.), I find it very difficult to turn off all the extra visual cues in my environment and focus completely on that other person. It becomes obvious when that person turns around or looks over their shoulder to figure out what I am checking out or tuning in to, which is when I catch myself that I’m making the other person feel unvalued and unheard.
Stealing this quote from Kenneth A. Wells adds more: ““A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.”
And M. Scott Peck pricks me in the heart with this one: “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”
Bingo, M.
So why don’t you practice some active listening today? You may be surprised to see what you hear.
…when the inspiration strikes
There aren’t too many feelings that can compete with the feeling of being alive. Several different experiences for me achieve this effect: laughing so hard you can barely breathe, seeing an old friend after quite some time, saying goodbye to dear ones who you’ll miss dearly, or those moments of *clarity* that are so seldom experienced, but cherished one by one.
I went on an inaugural run this afternoon. I say “inaugural” because I hadn’t really been running since the beginning of April, and this is the first run I’ve been on since I finally finished my graduate program. Plus, summer’s arrived in Florida, and running in the summer in Florida can be a challenge, to put it lightly.
However, whatever it was, the stars were aligned, perhaps, even though covered up by cloudy skies, and the temps were right, and my iPod somehow streamed this amazing conglomeration of melancholic songs that tugged at my soul, if you will. Two talented and kindred spirits of mine have been encouraging me as of late to start my own blog or to at least resume writing, and it was as if this afternoon I decided now was the time. And when you feel like you gotta write, you gotta write. I know these moments of clarity and inspiration only come ever so often so I must take advantage of it while I feel it.
So, the direction of this blog is undecided, but I suppose over time we’ll see where my mind and my inspiration take us.
But let me just share with you the songs on my iPod first (it was set at shuffle):
- Sunshine – Keane
- Something’s Missing – John Mayer
- Careful – Guster
- Belief – Gavin DeGraw
- Blue Eyes – Cary Brothers
- [...] in the Wind – Badly Drawn Boy
- Seems So Heavy – Sloan
A good mix, if you ask me. “Belief” by Gavin DeGraw is one of my favorites of his, and the lyrics get to me.
I’m going to yell it from the rooftops
I’ll wear a sign on my chest
That’s the least I can do
Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me
Tonight, you arrested my mind
When you came to my defense
With a knife
In the shape of your mouth
In the form of your body
With the wrath of a god
Oh, you stood by me
And I’ll stand by my
Belief
There’s a few things I believe in wholeheartedly (the Bible, coffee and cream, and little kittens)…there’s probably even less people who’ll stand by you wholeheartedly. So when I think of this song, I think of Greg…who is unwaveringly there for me, “no matter what.”
Thus, here’s to moments of clarity, knowing where you stand, and knowing who stands by you. Enjoy.
